Daruma-san ga koronda (“The daruma doll fell over.”)

I fell the other day. 

I played outdoor platform tennis, tennis on a smaller court surrounded by a wire fence played with a paddle racket, and I fell.

The platform floor was made of iron, which makes a clanking sound, and it is slippery, depending on the weather. I was so absorbed in chasing the ball that the next thing I knew, I had fallen and landed on my left knee. At that moment, my thought was silly: “May my favorite pair of long pants not be torn!” As I rubbed my knee over my pair of long pants, the pain stopped and I could continue to play.

I went home and looked at my left knee and found a pinky scar with peeling skin. I disinfected it and put a Band-Aid on the wound. At night, I removed the Band-Aid giving the wound some air to dry. I stared at the wound, hoping that it would heal quickly, and stared at the wound again every night. A night, as I stared at the wound again and my memories when I was a child flooded back. In childhood, I fell down a lot. The roads were not yet paved with asphalt in the ’70s. When I walked to kindergarten on the uneven road, I fell down. Each time, I tore my favorite tights. “You fell down again! Your elder sister doesn't fall down at all, but you do!” said my mother. I cried for my ripped new tights.

I also fell down the stairs quite often at elementary school. Boom, I fell down. It hurt but I could not tell my pain to Mom. I fell again but It didn't hurt: “I'm fine, Mom.” My mother put a Band-Aid on me as I held back my tears.

I also fell on the stairs of my house and that caused a complicated fracture of the right elbow. I endured the pain, wanting to be quiet while my brain and heart were scrambled by my aching elbow. My mother said, “Daddy's not home. What should we do? Oh my God, my daughter is in pain!” Mom called a neighbor friend and took me to the nearby hospital. I thought to myself “Why didn't they call an ambulance?” When I was a child, I thought that riding in an ambulance would take away anyone’s pain. I believed the pain in my arm was worse because I was in the neighbor's car, and the pain increased.

Even as an adult, I fall. One morning, in Brooklyn, New York, I was heading to the tennis court on my kick scooter. The wheels of the kick scooter caught on a projection on the ground and I was lifted into the air and landed face first. My cheek and mouth hurt from the fall. It hurt, but I got up and headed to the tennis court where my friend Mohammed was waiting for me.

Mohammed seemed concerned about me, but I said, “Sorry, sorry, I'm late. It's okay, all good.”

And we played tennis. I just had to keep my promises no matter what.

When I got home and looked at my face, it was swollen like I had mumps. My front teeth were chipped, too. “Shoot, this is a problem!“ So I called my friend, Yuki (she had fallen with her hands in her pockets and hit her face on a fire hydrant) and got the contact information for a “Black Jack” dentist in Rockaway, New York, a dentist who treated people without insurance with great skill and care. He saw me right away and fixed my chipped front tooth. He did not tell me how much I should pay. So I paid what I could afford to pay. He was truly a Black Jack. He had great skills and a goodly heart.

Black Jack is the protagonist of a Osamu Tezuka comic book series. He is a surgeon with genius skills. However, he an unlicensed doctor because he saves lives in unthinkable ways which are mostly unauthorized. Black Jack is a legendary Japanese comic book known through all generations in Japan.

I even fell on a mountain. I went to Mt. Myogizan in Gunma Prefecture, one of Japan's 100 most famous mountains with beautiful rock formations. It is a mountain with jagged and sharp rock cliffs. It is enough just to admire it from afar, but I had a chance to go there. They call it a “beginner's route,” but it was not easy at all. I walked through the spectacular view on my walk with a dorky prone posture. On the way, my friend and I met two people who had come down from the advanced route. We had a nice chat, and we were guided along a special path to enjoy the Myogi rocks.

I carefully climbed down the beautiful but scary mountain or pathways.

I was relying on the chain and the iron stakes attached to the rocks, making sure to grip the chain rigidly with both arms and step one foot down slowly onto the iron stake. But I couldn't land on my feet properly, my hand slipped off the chain, and I hit the side of my body on a steel stake! It hurt! But I managed to finish to the end. We thanked the two climbers, said goodbye to Mt. Myogi, and said goodbye to my friend and the day was safely over, I thought.

The next day I had an outdoor photo shoot of scarves with a model at the foot of a different  mountain. I had gotten great collaborative shots with a crew, a model and beautiful nature.

But at dinner, it really hurt when I had to pass the food down my throat. 

Then the next day, finally, I went to the doctor and found that I had two broken ribs. So no wonder it was painful. Total healing time was two months.

Talking about falling or not falling, there is a game* called “Daruma-san ga Koronda.” Daruma-san has no arms or legs, and is bottom weighted, so he does not fall down. But even if you try to knock him down, he gets up. He is a big-headed doll famous for his “seven falls, eight rises” and indefatigable spirit. 

The origin of this famous Daruma figurine is said to be the great Buddhist master Daruma, who was born in India and was the founder of the Chinese Zen. The Daruma doll is a replica of Dharma Daishi in his red robe. It is a Zen representation of the nine years Bodhidharma spent in deep meditation “facing the wall” at the Shaolin Temple. It has become virtually synonymous with zazen meditation.

I have a Daruma on my desk. So I say, “I will get up even if I fall down, I will not give up no matter what, the spirit of Zen is here.” I may still fall. I don't understand why, but I remember to keep in mind. Daruma falls down but gets up. Because we are alive, we can feel pain. But because we are alive, we will get back on our feet again. This is the meaning of daruma. the wall-viewing mindset.

This year is almost over, everyone, please be careful not to fall.

I would like to dedicate this essay to my mother, who fell down the stairs and hit her head, and is recovering from a chronic subdural hematoma and to Barbara, who fell and broke her pelvis, for her speedy recovery.

The scarf of the month will be Daruma-san ga Koronda (“The daruma doll fell over”)

*Daruma-san ga koronda - Statues game:

One person is "it". Instead of counting to ten, "it" says, "Daruma-san ga koronda."(In fact, there are 10 syllables in the sentence, which means, "The daruma doll fell over.") For the other players, the object of the game is to get close to whoever is "it" without him seeing them move.